Sara

Sara; I know you wanted me to write something to be read at your services but your timid little Grandsons all grown up now did you prouder that I ever could have, which speaks volumes of their love for you. So I put this here in remembrance of how I felt about you and this wonderful family you allowed me to be a part of.

When your the outsider coming into a family by marriage the first hurtle you have to over come is what will I call the “in laws”. I never had that problem and I can’t explain it to you except from the moment I walked into the lives of my future wives family I was made to feel very comfortable and welcome. And I can sum it up for you in one word; Sara. She had a gift; the gift of making you feel like you were part of her family no matter who you were.

The call to a girl’s house was always very stressful for me, because if you were unlucky (as I often was) the parents would answer. And you’d have to hear the tone on the other end as you asked to speak to the daughter. They always made you feel like you were interrupting there lives with you petty phone call. But not Sara; she would talk to you; and made you feel like an actual person. I called one Sunday night after my first date with Angie because I wanted to see if I could take her out again, but she was not there, she went to Church early for choir practice. But lucky me, Sara answered. Normally I would have asked: “is Angie there?” and then hung up when I found out she was not. But you just don’t get off the phone with Sara that easily. Before I knew what was happening, I had been invited over for cake after Church. My mind was trying to process this. Lets see, I get to go be with this beautiful girl name Angie and eat cake….hmmmm…..I’m IN! But why would a girls parents be so nice to me, I mean I’m hard to get to know and make a bad first impression, why would she ask me to come over? It must be a trap!!! But I went back to Beautiful girl and cake and to make a long story no longer, I went to her house that night a fell in love with not just a Girl but a family. A Family that Sara built.

I look at our family today and I see what Sara has accomplished. Some people will be remembered and their names will be recorded in history books. While the real people that make big difference will not have that honor. Some even say they will be forgotten; but will they? We are all here today because of the people before us, people that lived and loved and passed on themselves to us. We are their legacy. How do we best honor Sara and her legacy, I will get to that. First let me tell you about the family that Sara built.

First off there was Frank, her love for over 59 years. Sara’s job was to be the mouth piece for Frank. I never heard him speak much above a whisper, because Sara took care of that for him. They had been through a lot together; you could see the history in their eyes. But it never crossed their minds to give up or walk away. Because love is patience, love forgives; love is what you cling to when it’s just you two against the world. They were a funny pair, you could go to their house and one would be talking to you about the other and how he or she was driving the other crazy. Frank would do his hand gestures describing Sara’s mouth moving and Sara would tell you about how many times Frank walked up and down the stairs to the basement or stood over her while she did something. But try and take one away from the other or say a cross word to either one of them and see if the other does not jump to their defense. They looked out for one another they were a pair; you can hardly say one of their names with out the other.

Then there is Carolyn. The misunderstood first born of the family (as most first born are), Sara and Carolyn are the definition of Mother and Daughter. Girls I guess are closer to their daddy, just as boys are closer to their mother. Girls are at odds with the mother growing up just as boys are with the dad and it never seems to go away. My sons and I can not be together long before all those old feeling come up, I was always trying to keep them in line while their mother was hugging them and healing there wounds, she was the good cop, I was the bad. I think that was the same relationship Carolyn had with her parents (except in reverse). Carolyn loved her mother and her mother loved her, but I think they misunderstood each other a lot of times (as my sons often misunderstand me). But that does not mean there is no less love, because Sara would have defended Carolyn to the death, if any one ever tried to hurt her. I will say this, in the last few years Sara bragged on her Carolyn to the point it made me (because I can only speak for myself) feel bad that I could not be there to do more. She would go on and on about all that Carolyn was doing for her and how well she was looking after her. Carolyn you did good, you made your mother proud. Carolyn (like her mother) is the most giving person I know, she will never be rich because she would just give it all away. She like her mother will always make you feel worthy; she makes you feel like you’re somebody when you feel like nobody. So Carolyn there is a part of you that is like your mother, the best part.

Next is Angie, she has been called the good sister, the good daughter (and always hated it). But she was called that because she was quiet and stayed in her room a lot when she was growing up. Angie was Daddies little girl when Angie and I were dating. If we asked to do something Sara would say no (because she knew what Frank would say); but then Frank would look at Angie and give in and tell her its okay. This never failed to upset Sara, the bad cop once again (I know how she must have felt). Angie is a balance of her Father and Mother. She is quiet like her father and I’m as scared of her as I was him. She is like her mother in the fact she can put me in my place in two words or less. But like her mother and sister, she will lift you up. She can make you feel worthy when the world has beaten you down. She lives by the rule “if you can’t say anything nice about some one don’t say anything at all” (maybe that’s why she’s so quiet). I have lived with her nearly thirty years and have rarely heard her say a bad or cross word about anyone. Like her mother the only thing that will bring the wrath of Angie down on you is if you mess with her family. If you don’t believe me try it, she may be quiet and unassuming, but say one cross word about her children or anyone in our family and see what happens, I dare ya. Sara taught her well; that family is everything.

This is a Christian family, because Sara was a strong Christian Woman. She was the type of woman that would take her children to church regardless. She did not drop them off or send them on a bus; she took them even if it meant doing it alone. I think what she missed most in these last years was not being able to go to Church, something we take to lightly and for granted.

I could go on and on about this family, I could tell you the influence that Sara had on her Grandchildren, but I would not know where to begin or when to stop. Each one of her Grandchildren has had their battles to face and fight, but they have landed on there feet because of the firm foundation of this Christian family. If I could sum up for you Sara’s influence on them, I would say look at the wives they chose, get to know them. And you will see another generation of strong Christian women that will help keep us men in line. They chose them because Sara paved the way and was the example.

Sara was more than a mother in law to me; she was a friend I could talk to. I picked on her all the time and she gave me just as good as I sent. From the moment I first met her, she got me. She understood this weird guy and was just trying to make up for his awkwardness by being funny and silly. Thank you Sara, for always making me feel comfortable and at home, I will truly miss our verbal sword play.

When we first moved to Mississippi our parents always came out to visit about every other month. My Mom and Dad would ride with Sara and Frank or visa versa. They all got to be good friend through the years, it made our families closer. As the years went on the visits got fewer and fewer as they got older. That is the worst part about living out of our home state; the visits get fewer from family. Then there is that question; when are you moving back? There is no simple answer; but don’t judge our decision about it until you have walked in our shoes. It hurt every time I had to answer that question when it came from my Mother or Sara, every time. We moved out here thinking the company I was with would move me back in two years. They sold out and I’ve had to change jobs more than I can count; almost twenty years have passed. I would not wish my career on anyone and I hope you never have to live so far away from someone you love so much just to keep a job. These last years I have had to see the hurt in Angie’s eyes because she could not be with her Mama and Daddy more. I know because I went through the same with my parents. I know our parents knew we loved them and we did the best we could, but there is a part of me that will regret not being there. We visited all we could, all our vacations are used going to Georgia and it never got easier when we had to leave…. “Call me when you get home”; would always be the last word we would hear from our families when we would leave to come back to Mississippi. In the last six years the number has gone down on the people we had to call. We got home this last time and it hit us hard that Sara was not there for us to call…..

For now we will have to try and move on with out her. She has left this womb of time and has been born into a new world, where she will not hurt or feel pain again. But most of all she will now be reunited with the loved ones already there. Our job is to stay behind a carry on with out her and pass on her legacy. How do we honor Sara? By doing our part to see that her prayers are all answered. Sara loved God, faith was a part of her; the strongest part. Her body was weak and it failed her many times, but I never heard her blame God or get upset with Him for the lot she drew in this life. She has prayed for us all that we would be the Christians God can use. That we would stand on the promises when all else is crumbling around us. She prayed this for us because she knew it is the only way to make it though this life and come out on the other side and be completely free. So my challenge to myself and I make to the rest of the family; let’s honor Sara and pass on her love to the generations to come, until we go home and get to see her again. I know she will be waiting with a big hug for us all.

P.S. Sara; I’m sorry I broke my promise to you; please understand I could not help it I had to make a living. I could wish we had stayed in Georgia, but look at all the good that happen when we moved. The boys grew up in the country became men and a chain of events lead them to their wives. I know you wanted me to bring Angie home and I failed because I ran out of time. But the day is coming and we will come home to you, then we can be together forever…..I promise.